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Jan 23, 2009

Why NOT a Bidayuh guy?

Aha ha … this is one topic that might rile up some Bidayuh guys out there. And probably some of my Bidayuh brothers out there will shake their heads.

“Jacq, apa di pikir kau?” (Jacq, what are you thinking?)

No bottle throwing please. Unless its an unopened 500 years old red wine or the highest grade of Chivas. And do throw it properly.

But, woa there, let me present my thoughts first and see whether there are valid points that readers can relate to.

Foremost, this blog entry was prompted by reading an entry by a fellow Bidayuh blogger (male obviously) who laments about a highly educated Bidayuh women who chooses to marry a Malay guy. Here he mention all the negative aspects of her marrying ‘kirieng’ (Malay). Lost of identity. Lost of the Bidayuh generations. And how the ‘poor’ lady would spend her good earn income in raising a non Bidayuh family.

(Err…I beg your pardon?)

And lastly, he ended it with a question “Why not a Bidayuh guy?”

Though the entry amused me, it also raised the perfect question. And it prompted me to write this post based on my own perceptions. Feel free to agree or disagree or sit on the sidelines and watch.

Let me explain a little bit about myself. I’m 30+ single Bidayuh lady living and working in Kuala Lumpur. I have Bidayuh male friends and I have two brothers. And no, I’m not a feminist. The possibility of me choosing a Bidayuh guy as a husband is very unlikely. Well, to tell readers the truth, the possibility of me marrying anybody is also unlikely. Don’t ask. Very easy to explain but very hard to understand.

However, I can empathize with Bidayuh ladies who chooses their soulmate in the form of a Chinese, Indian, Malay, Orang Putih, Orang Hitam and etcetera BUT NOT A BIDAYUH GUY.

Are Bidayuh guy that bad? I don’t think so. I’ve met some who are extraordinary. Yet there are stereotypes on Bidayuh guys that most educated ladies find less appealing. Lets see whether readers can relate to them.

Marrying a Bidayuh guy is not a partnership, its servitude

Bidayuh guys seem to have this particular expectations towards Bidayuh girl. Will cook, will clean, will pick their underwear that they left on the floor, will sacrifice their career for them, will wash their dishes, will wash the toilet, will not have her own opinions, will not involve in political talks, will not have salary higher then them. Worst still, will forgive them no matter how many times they sleep with other women.

And imagine an Oxford educated woman being given all these as unwritten terms and conditions to marry a Bidayuh guy. Obviously, she would turn another way to look for greener pasture though there are no guarantees that the other sides are better.

Bidayuh wives must be virgin.

I have no problems with guys expecting this but it should come from a guy who never even kissed another woman before. A Bidayuh guy who makes it a habit of jumping from one bed to another have no right to expect this. And those who do, I believed are just self conscious and have no confidence in themselves. Caused they probably assume virgins wives would never be able to compare them with other guys. Or would not be able to differentiate what is good or not.

Reality checks, brothers, an orgasm is still an orgasm and an unsatisfied wife is still an unsatisfied wife. Virgins or not.

And nowadays, Bidayuh girls are more liberal (even in the village) so based on this particular stereotypes, won’t they choose a non Bidayuh instead?

A Bidayuh lady must act like a lady.


For someone who broke a few traditional rule and even opposed the elders at one point, I have a very big problem with this particular stereotypes. Long hair, walk slowly, talk slowly and laugh with a small hee hee. If I could rolled my eyes further backward, I’ll do that. Remember, brothers, the blood that runs through a Bidayuh women are the same blood that used and still toiled the earth. Giving birth to as many as ten kids and still survived. And were there to defend the village hundreds years ago when tribal wars were rampant.

These are not the bloodlines of yesteryears English duchess who travels with their handkerchiefs and faint at the sight blood. Even those who are supposedly ladies are mostly not but they happen to have husbands who see them equals. Or they have submitted to supposedly traditions to act like one.

Bidayuh guys are poor, uneducated, drunkards and gamblers.


Very stereotypical and sad to say my early years are surrounded by all the wrong crowd. Bidayuh guy who couldn’t stop drinking yet looked down on Bidayuh girl who does. Bidayuh guys who makes it a habit to sleep around to show how manly they are as they can’t prove much by working as constructions workers and their money are just enough to ‘collect langkau’. Or they lost it easily by playing ‘holo’. The only things they read are Magnum 4D that they hope would make them millionaires one day.

And the daughters are not permitted to act like the men. So they read books, get themselves educated and marry a Russian.

Bidayuh men will not be the best choice to procreate.

Ironically, some Bidayuh guys who manage to be highly educated choose to blame the government, God, educated Bidayuh women, political parties, Taib for the sorry state of Bidayuh men. Oh please, Bidayuh men, the problem is just close by. Look at the beer can clutch around your fingers. Ten of them, which you had finished, can buy a young Bidayuh kid a new schoolbag.

Bidayuh men smokes like a chimney. Big bellies which they are so proud off. And doesn’t seem to be able to provide for a decent family.

So in the course natural selections, would a woman instinct choose these stereotypes to be the father of her unborn child? Simply, no.

Bidayuh men are egoistic.

They are huge contradictions to themselves. They think that they are so good that Bidayuh women would go for them yet looked down on those who acts like ‘perigi cari timba’. Branding them sluts or unfit as wives.

Yet they would not make the first move cause they believe women should come to them instead. And then again…

So why even wonder Bidayuh women ended with so called sweet mouthed Malay, wealthy Chinese, flirty Indians, handsome religious Kelabit, tall good looking Orang Putih and any other races but a BIDAYUH GUY.

So, that’s about some of it and before some of you considered replying me (or throwing me slowly that bottle of unopened Bacardi), do reread my articles. There is one word that I kept on repeating.

If you still can’t guess, the word is ‘Stereotype’.

Stereotype is a dangerous word. It is like because one black man killed another, no blacks are entitled to become the President of a nation. Or few middle-east guys decided to fly and blow up a building, another middle-east nation was invaded and their dictator hung.

Such as the case here. Though some would admit they are guilty of the vices or some Bidayuh brothers would cheekily says on some points, “memang pun kamek macam ya”. But not all and actually not many. If we are talking scientifically, genetically everybody are different. And only human tendencies to generalize things created stereotype. Bidayuh brothers may sighed of relief but let me gives few real life examples that shows the story not over yet and how stereotypes that becomes true again degenerate the image of Bidayuh guys.

Very opinionated lady, smoke and drinks and slept with several men. Had hope for Bidayuh men but they are more interested on her younger sister who seems to be a quite decent girl. She then marries another native race, found God and lived happily with her mixed blood child. The younger sister actually tested smoking and drinking since she was eight, and still do now. She’s not considering marrying a Bidayuh guy.

An Australian educated young Bidayuh engineer had tried to date educated Bidayuh guys but couldn’t stand their mentality. Marries a Chinese-Kelabit six years her junior. Her younger sister, a practicing doctor and a part time Unimas lecturer married an Indian from west Malaysia.

A lady, a clerk who could afford her own car marries a Chinese.

A Bidayuh lady who joined the Doulos Ship as a Christian volunteers couldn’t find a Bidayuh guy who shares her vision and dreams. In her late 30’s, she marries a fellow volunteer, an Australian and moved away with him.

A young girl who couldn’t stand her drunkard father runs away from home and live with her adopted Malay family. Had converted to Muslim and will soon marry the son.

These are not made up stories. These are real. And I’m not going to say what they did was wrong or right. Everybody have the right to choose their life partner. Everybody have the right to be happy. What I’m doing here is putting as much point of view on one webpage and hopefully gets people to look at things differently. Especially both Bidayuh guys and girls. This title could have easily been “Why NOT a Bidayuh girl?” That would definitely shift the mindset.

I believed that stereotypes should be crushed coz I hated myself to be judged due to other people choice of lifesytle. Yet I can’t help but feel uncomfortable on having a Bidayuh guy as my life partner due to many negative examples that I saw.

Though its kinda shows that I’ve branded Bidayuh guy into the above stereotypes. Yet at the same time I believe I should not judge others as I would also be exposed to unfair stereotype.

So how true are these stereotypes anyway?

I’m highly opinionated and very independent. Creative, love art, a bit dyslexic, sometimes paints, enjoy being alone with my own thoughts. I can be serious and yet embarassing loud sometimes. Highly passionate and may get emotional. I danced when I want to and smiled as much as I can. I smoke sometime, especially when I’m writing. I drink alcohol and enjoyed the best and highest concoction. I don’t believe in career but believe in passive income and times should be spent back packing around the world. Sometime I dated. Fooled around before. And has no intention to pamper guys who could not take care of themselves. Love anime, have a blog especially for anime, an avid fangirl and was a huge fan of Pendekar Laut.

With some points on my personality, good and bad depending on perceptions, my question to Bidayuh guys out there….

Would you marry me?

And to Bidayuh girls…

If you have similar traits, would you consider marrying a Bidayuh guy?

Note : Words meaning
1.Collect langkau – ‘Langkau’ is a local made whiskey that are quite cheap but very potent and can be harmful to drink. Collect langkau; meaning a group of guys collect money from each other to buy’langkau’ to drink together.
2.Holo – ‘Holo’ is a famous game of three dices with the pictures of six animals and a piece of cloth with the pictures of the animals divided in six parts. Players will put money on the any of the animals. Dices are rolled in a closed special can. Players will be paid based on the numbers of animals that ‘came out’.
3.Magnum 4D – A famous lotto game in Sarawak.
4.Perigi cari timba – Direct translation is ‘a well looking for a pail’. It describes a woman who go and look for men instead of acting like a proper lady and wait for the men to look for them.
5.“memang pun kamek macam ya” – It is true that we are like that.


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41 comments :

  1. In my personal opinions, those Bidayuh girls who married to guys from other races/ethnics does not mean that the Bidayuh guys are not preferred by them. Bidayuh guys also married to girls from other races/ethnics...does that mean they do not prefer Bidayuh girls? It's all about love. I believe that the percentage of mixed marriages among Bidayuhs (from all walks of life) are increasing but still small. Other races also have mixed marriages, does that mean the girls/guys from their ethnics are not of good quality to be a husband/wife?....it is all about love again...no matter what is your race/ethnic. In every race/ethnic, there are good and also bad person (guy/girl)

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  2. If you want varieties, you can have a few wives/husbands. Alternatively, you can have one legal wife/husbang - but nobody can fully stop you from having a few "girlfriends" / "boyfriends". This may solve the problem monoracial/polyracial marriages.
    GSS

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  3. Bidayuh guy says that whether it is a mixed marriages or marrying our own Bidayuh people is powered by love. I agree and also do not agree with you. Listen - Love is blind, that's why lovers grope ( in Bidayuh is gama/ngobo ) each other.
    Ha....ha.....

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  4. Hi Everyone,
    Happy Valentine Day to all Bidayuh on the web and blog.Have an enjoyable time with your friends, lovers or spouses.
    The meaning of Valentine to me is:

    For God so loVed the world,
    that He gAve His one and onLy begottEn Son,that whoever believes In Him shall Not perish,
    but have Eternal life.
    John 3:16

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  5. Hi Everbody,

    Happy Valentine Day to all. Anonymous refers to John 3:16 depicting TRUE LOVE FROM GOD where He sent His one and only begotten Son, our Lord Jesus Christ to the world to be our Lord and Saviour.
    GSikien.

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  6. OMG! I ALWAYS ask my friends this. I'm in deep sh*t (forgive my language) from people who said I wasn't a real Bidayuh because I don't speak Bidayuh, I don't have a Bidayuh BF or the sorts. The truth is that the world is global and that we can choose whoever we want to be our friends/bf/man/wife etc etc... Congratulations. In fact, I'd like to link you :) Anyway all the Bidayuh guys I know from Matriculation and/or University do not necessarily date a Bidayuh girl, coz if they did, I'd be their gf :LOL: sob sob I'm still single but the subject of who you partner is still remains subjective! On the last note, I totally agree on the beer issue. I don't know... perhaps, I'm yet to find a decent guy. :) :)

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  7. P/S: I guess if we could meet Bidayuh guys who are extroverts... maybe that will change our thoughts and perception. I believe they are somewhere, I still have hopes *starry eyes*

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  8. To whom someone want to marry is his/her personal choice since she/he may meet his/her partner at any place and any time...and when they like/love each other...and ready to get married. Mix marriages are common nowadays. However, it can decrease one ethnic official population. e.g. normally the female race if the mix-marriages occurs more in females than males (if the no.of female more than male genders). Vice-versa if males outnumber females. More serious for minority ethnics.

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  9. Hmmm..interesting subject. Juz came across this blog by chance. My fingers feel itchy wanna leave some comment. I myself is by-product of mix marriage between Bidayuh mum & chinese dad. Fluent in both languages & normally regarded as Bidayuh rather than chinese by many. Frankly I agree with Jacq's view. To put it simply, Bidayuh girls are a lot better than their male counterpart in term of education/hardwork/daring etc etc ( you name it ). Sometimes they scare the hell out of me. These traits made Bidayuh girls very popular among guys of other races. On the other hand, Bidayuh guys are a better person when they're not mixing around with fellow bidayuh guys. I've been living in Singapore/JB for over 10 years now & had came across dozens of successful bidayuh guys who strike on their own in foreign land. Strangely, they tend to be competitive & willing to sweat out a lot of effort to be better than other races. But once they go back to their respective kampung they'll return to their old ways. Whatever it is I'm proud of my Bidayuh heritage & enjoy Gawai celebration more than CNY. Cheers.

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  10. I really soo agree with what you wrote! I always remembered that when my tayung wa still alive, she was always telling me "mati wang amu bahas, nikah amu ngn dari binua. mati kanan nung niaga kabon" with is translated when u grow up, u should marry a guy from our village. than he can take care of the farm. these guys live in the villages and do not change their perception of life. if i had taken that route, i wouldnt be doing my bachelors degree in Germany now. and mind you, most native Mara and Jpa scholars are BIDAYUH GIRLS. so where does that leave our future with "them"?

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  11. Ha..ha..ha. You must be refering to my post.
    I am looking at this matter from a political point of view: one day Dayak Bidayuh may be extinct, or reduced in numbers, if this trend continues - meaning loosing our political clout in Dayakland.
    I am living in BDC area, where there a lots of Bidayuhs. Most parents are concerned with their children's education and faith foundation (Sunday Schools etc). The Dayak Bidayuh kids here seem to be different from what you paint in you post, though I quite agree with you if you were painting a village atmosphere.

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  12. I saw a lot of Bidayuh guys AND girls like that in the village even though I hardly spend my time there ;p

    Well, since I don't drink, smoke, I don't gamble,play HOLO, sleep with several girls, look down to ANY female, but believe in equal rights for all; I cannot say I am a pure bidayuh biatah from siburan then. YEAH right....

    and i also have a degree in mecha. eng sponsored by jpa, working and trying to make an earnest life in KL, bla bla n bla...

    When I look into my personalities, I am not a bidayuh if we use your description even though a lot of sarcastic tones in it ;p

    Anyway, I never have a bidayuh gf, now i am searching for one..

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  13. stanley suab27 May, 2009

    Halo Jacq, im Stan one of the pure Bidayuh guy living out of my community in foreign land. Not all Bidayuh guy are bad (drunker, gambler, womanizer, etc.)infact there are lots of them who succeed in their life out here. Why dont choose Bidayuh girl/guy? Me my self my spouse is a native Sabahan. Its not the matter of choosing who but its the matter of love. Come on, dont blame those Bidayuh guys in the kampung just because they are drunker, gambler and etc. They self if you ask them dont want to be like that either. Don't compare them with those successful Bidayuh guys. It is our responsability to change the Bidayuh future. What they need is education.

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  14. Hi, I'm also a bidayuh girl who share many of your traits although I don't smoke nor do I drink. I share your opinion about bidayuh guys and I can tell you this; Iban guys are very similar to our guys. I know coz I worked with thems. It seems that many educated women (Bidayuh and Ibans alike) would prefer to marry outside of their own people. I'm not looking to marry anyone anytime soon coz it's hard to find a guy who would appreciate a woman has a mind of her own. I think that I am a FEMINIST. I like men, but i like them better as friends. Most of the guys(Ibans) says that if they couldn't court the girls that they want, they would result to using black magic (jayau/pengasih) to get them. It repulses me to think that they would do such a thing. It surprises me even more that the Iban women would accept them as husbands once they have come to their senses. They said that they did that because they loved them but could get them the conventional way. It's very appalling. But that's about the Ibans. Bidayuh guys that I've come to know as my friends have some traits that are appealing to me. Most are very loyal to their girlfriends (gfs), so much so that even when their gfs fooled around with other guys, they would still forgive them and take them back. Bidayuh guys do have some good traits but they should really cut down on the smoking, drinking and gambling. Nothing good ever come out of doing them anyways and NOTHING is LESS APPEALING than a SMOKER, a DRUNK and a GAMBLER. I'm a bit of a health freak. I can't stand smokers, drunks and gamblers of any race, man or woman. It's good that you have started this blog about our culture because it's true. I don't know much about our customs but i really would like to learn about them. My late grandparents were priest and priestesses when they were alive.

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  15. Notyourname08 June, 2009

    Not ALL bidayuh men are drunkards, or gamblers. as the writer said

    "Very stereotypical and sad to say my early years are surrounded by all the wrong crowd"

    It is a stereotypical remark but we cannot deny that THAT specific image of bidayuh men is forever engraved in the perceptions of many bidayuh girls.

    I may not be pure bidayuh, nor do I look like a bidyuh, i Don't even speak the bidayuh language but I can easily say that not all bidayuh men are bad, as a matter of fact, my dad's the best ;-) But yes, there are those bidayuh males who fit perfectly with those stereotypical standards as seen by a majority of the community.
    Personally, I am very sure bidayuh girls will date bidayuh guys if they prove to be different from what the stereotypes make all of them seem to be. I have met very caring, and yes, smart and HANDSOME bidayuh men.

    To those who worry the bidayuh race will be decreasing in numbers due to intermarriages... Out of 1000 bidayuhs do you think exactly a thousand will marry non bidayuhs? and even if there's a decrease...SO WHAT .there will always be a substantial number of bidayuhs out there. Race is nothing but a label. If we were to all be of pure ethnicities, it'll be a pretty boring world ey?

    I personally have never dated a bidayuh guy. I did once fall for a certain bidayuh guy only to be let down by his character and yes... he was an arse, fitting perfectly to the description of a stereotypical bidayuh male.

    I do not agree that all bidayuh males are that way, just sharing.
    I just think it's UNFAIR to assume all bidayuh men are not worth getting to know, there are those whom you will regret not knowing. At the same time, I understand why some girls don't want to get to know them in the first place. At the end of the day, it isn't really even an issue as a relationship is to be described as being built on the foundation of "love" and not "bangsa"

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  16. Dear All, thank you for visiting this blog and leaving comments, particularly to this article. And yes,tunabdulrazak, this was refering to your blog. :-) I've read your blog once a while & acknowledge your point of view.

    Though I did mention that this is mainly about stereotypes on Bidayuh guys. As I say its stereotypes. And my older brother don't drink. And most of my married cousins are quite loyal to their wives. That includes my younger brother too.

    But we do still have problems and issues that we need to look at. Not talking about it, or ignoring that it actually exist won't help much. Not only on Bidayuh guys but also girls as well and the whole Bidayuh community.

    Do visit some other Bidayuh blogs. And thank you again for being here.

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  17. *This comment was wrongly posted by Anonymous in my other post, so I just repost it here. Anyway, Anonymous, I do hope you re-read my above post again but thanks anyway for your visit & I acknowledge your point of view.

    ***

    Haha .. why not bidayuh guy? Are u bidayuh?
    1. Marrying a Bidayuh guy is not a partnership, its servitude - :( from which kampung are these guys make u think like this?

    2. Bidayuh wives must be virgin, still got people think like this.. it's year 2009 :(

    3. A Bidayuh lady must act like a lady - lady is female.. :)

    4. Bidayuh guys are poor, uneducated, drunkards and gamblers: poor but know how to find money.. not robbing banks , stealing and killing.. uneducated - most bidayuh lady are educated.. cannot deny.. drunkards - cannot get rid of it.. gamblers - susah mau cakap..

    and others... just zip my lips..

    Anyway.. some of the points are true.. there are only less than 200K bidayuh population.. the good ones maybe less than 5%. these need to be changed.

    this will change some day.. just wait and see.. for me.. i dont wait and see..

    peace.

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  18. hi... im a bidayuh man but im nothing like what she mentioned in her article...im currently studying in the Bradford University Degree Programme In Electrical & Electronic Engineering... And throughout the course i think i have changed in terms of how i see the world around us.i become more open minded, more opinionated, and has become more global.i call myself a global bidayuh.i wanted to belong to the international community ,and dont want to be caught up with the old ways of the village.The thing is, i am trying to tell you that not only bidayuh women whom are attracted to other races.even bidayuh man like me doesnt find bidayuh woman attractive in many ways.You see the dilemma actually goes the other way too ...the point i am trying to make is when you get expose to a different world you just dont want to go back to the old ways.Marrying the same race remind you of the passive and unproductive ways of your old community.Might as well get a spouse with progressive and sophisticated identity.

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  19. SuperBidayuh28 July, 2009

    Hi Traditionally Curved,

    Love your comments on this issue, although it is highly crippled by your lack of effort in looking at the issue from the other point of view, namely from the Bidayuh Men's point of view. Friend, I think it's time for you to be Traditionally rounded.
    I can almost feel that some of your remarks on this matter probably relates to some of your own VERY bitter experiences and the bigger part of it is somewhat from 'what you heard'. Being a thirty-something as you are, I was expecting something more balanced and accountable from your writing.
    I wont add up to what was commented to you on this already, but to help you see it from a less distant point of view.
    Firstly, you were brought up in a more 'ideal' environment, or at least some of us were brought into it via education, etc. Hence, comes all this change in your paradigm, expectations in life, opportunities and choice of life partner.
    Chances are, if you were a 'typical' bidayuh girl, brought up to see and think that all the bad habits noted above are 'OK' then they'll probably wont make a it as a big deal as the rest of us not-so-typical bidayuhs.
    Second, Bidayuh men aint that different from the other men out there. Yes, what you noted on the habits of Bidayuh men have proved to be sadly true in too many of my own experiences. But dear, it aint too great out there in big ol KL, States, Aussie, NZ too. Many of our non-Bidayuh men out there live arguably hedonistic lives. You said "Bidayuh guys who makes it a habit to sleep around to show how manly they are as they can’t prove much by working as constructions workers and their money are just enough to ‘collect langkau’" So, describe, how different are we who earn a 5 figure income at a multi-national company and splurge it at Zouk(or anything like it) and end the night with a one night stand..with a BANG (no pun intended) each and every weekend? Sure the Bidayuh Men hold 'langkau' in their hands and cheap ShingTau beer in between their fingers and the breath smells of undigested alcohol, but I can't help having flashbacks seeing our friends who are from other races, including our 'orang puteh' counterparts who sit on their barf after an intense Friday night. Maybe the Bidayuh men dont appeal to you because that drink "Stella" and not "Heiniken", a RM15 "Langkau" and not the RM200++ "Chivas". Girl, you said "Bidayuh men smokes like a chimney. Big bellies which they are so proud off. And doesn’t seem to be able to provide for a decent family." Well, just don't get me started on that. Oh ok, maybe at least let me remind you that MOST Malaysian population of men smoke, based on the recent statistics of course.
    Friend, 8 Billion ppl (and counting) living in this world, with slightly half of them men, is quite a lot of ppl out there to choose as life partners. Instead of having the "I-hate-bidayuh-men-because-they're-so-so-kampung" or "educated-ppl-make-best-decisions" or even "White-men-are-the-best-ppl-in-the-world" why not look at yourself in the mirror? If you think Bidayuh men and women needs a huge change, why not start in yourself, first? If you don't drink,smoke,gamble,squander money like your predecessors supposedly did, then good for you! Then move on and find that perfect man that we all deserve to marry. Perhaps the beginning of all sorts of predicament in our lives and of course true happiness, comes from our gift of free choice. Kudos to our Bidayuh brothers and sisters who married ppl from other cultures or race, of whom they love and adore. Kudos too to them who marry other Bidayuhs, DESPITE these stereotypes. May they bring up a newer generation of both mixed and pure bidayuhs who are better, more educated, upright and overall rounded children, in this difficult and challenging world. The question is will YOU, 'Traditionally curved' with all the odds stacked against you(or not), multiplied by the probabilities of finding someone who finds you EQUALLY attractive, genetically suitable and economically feasible, end up marrying a Bidayuh or Not...

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  20. Hi SuperBidayuh, didn't know Clark Kent visited my blog. Anyway, do u mind not to use speed reading & maybe have more patient to read thru my blog & also other visitors comments? And my name is not Traditionally Curved. Its Jacque & if you go thru my other posts you would more on me & I also have a link on my facebook. Too much beer again,dear? & why do I have a feeling that your comment have more to do on your own bitter experience? My bitter experiences with men does not based on races, neither does my happy memories with them. I do have a younger brother that I'm close with. & no, I'm no saint either or intend to be one. & nor do I write this blog bcos I think 'white men' are better....& where the heck did that come from? I'm actually quite amused with your comment aka post. & anyway, thanks for visiting. I hope other visitors will take time to read the posts & other comments as it is good to see this issue from different point of views.

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  21. Hi Jacque,

    Thanks for your reply! Superbidayuh is here again to not exactly save the day.

    Yes, did know your name as I didn't require any of my 'super powers' to figure that out. It was a matter of choice calling you that as I tot "Traditionally Curved" was a better way to call you.

    Seems that I have offended you, do accept my apologies on your name. And yeah, I don't drink (hint: very out of the stereotype Bidayuh Guy)

    I liked the part where you described the stereotypes of Bidayuh Men, but can't help noticing that you almost bluntly supporting them,and then, tried to sit on the fence, hence my critics.

    You said...
    ""Yet I can’t help but feel uncomfortable on having a Bidayuh guy as my life partner due to many negative examples that I saw.
    Though its kinda shows that I’ve branded Bidayuh guy into the above stereotypes""

    Ermmm... it's so obvious wasn't it?

    .... time to fly!!! WHOOSHHHH

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  22. Hi Anonymous, surprise to see you back here again. But no..u didn't actually offended me, maybe a tad bit bcos I thought u might be putting your comments before actually reading my post fully. Well, good to know that you did or came back to re-read. I think, what I'm trying to do here is present this matter in my own personal view, yet not wanting to tip the scale to either sides but to be as honest as I can be. My blog is to help to 'find' myself as a Bidayuh & also to get some non-political issues out & maybe helps other Bidayuh to find their identity as a Bidayuh. Confusing, maybe. But I do believe that we all have our own personal role in this world. And again, thanks for dropping by at my blog :-)

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  23. Hi Jacq...
    Let me share my comments...maybe to some extend what you said is true. I grew up in a Bidayuh vilage (I am a Bidayuh by the way) surrounded by Bidayuh men and told myself that I will never marry a Bidayuh. Well..God works in funny ways and I ended up marrying a Bidayuh, and am please to say that he is not the typical Bidayuh man one would imagine. He helps around the house, helps with the kids and is brave enough to admit it if he is wrong. Sure, there is the drinking but only during festive seasons. He does not expect me to act like a lady...I can be who I am, not someone else. He is educated but I still earn more than he does and he does not have aproblem with that. In fact, he encourages me (or we encourage each other)to go further in life. This one may seem hard to believe but he is definitely romantic and he makes me laugh. We have been married for 6 years now and with kids.

    Maybe Bidayuh guys are beginning to transform. Maybe we should stop generalising Bidayuh men but I am sure there are some out there who are different...

    Cheers!

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  24. I am a Chinese guy that I have a typical love on Bidayuh girls.. before that I was so choosy and pick to date with a Chinese girl, after all end up with a broken heart. (Chinese girl at Kuching mostly are very splendous.. and some what childrish too..)
    Then I choose for an Indonesian Chinese girl that from a very rich family.. finally I found that she is very ignore me.. just because she got so many (male friends)
    Actually my mind is shifting around whether i should choose that indonesian girl (so many sweet memory and sharing together).. but finally i discovered she is not longer wish to remember those memory..

    It is very hard to tell you how my feeling with the bidayuh lady that i like... but what i can tell is... i known her for more than 1 year.. but no further actions taken to course her..
    Recently i only met her twice again after a long long time..
    every night really cant sleep well because thinking about her kindness to me..
    I just want to say "I love you".. to her. Some times very hard to release the words from my mouth..

    Wish me success with her.

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  25. I am a typical Chinese people.. I got so many schoolmates who are Bidayuh. For my personal opinion,Bidayuh people are very hardworking.. but sometimes I think their kindness been exploited by their tauke chinese and malay governors. Bidayuh people are very generous too.. sometimes no matter how poor they are.. they try to "CIA" you minum with their best TUAK during Christmas or Gawai. Because of that.. some times I feel very malu to go to Bidayuh friends' house during festival. I dont want them to spend a lot for me.. I like the delicious tuak.. each time if possible.. i try to buy apples for them.. in exchange of TUAK. (hahaha..)

    You cannot link the word "drunken" to Bidayuh.. it is not fair..
    It is because of culture.. and It is you people (younger generation and well educated people) to change those bad culture, of course we cannot change the culture in just one or two days..

    Also, you cannot link "rich" to Chinese.. because myself as chinese also not rich.. and I am sure there are many chinese like me too..

    I wish many and many Bidayuh people can be success too.. One of the method to change the fortune is through education.. Wish all Bidayuh friends here. "Merry X'MAS and Happy New Year 2010"..

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  27. Anonymous22 June, 2010

    Hi...

    I'm a bidayuh biatah from siburan...but I lived and grew up in kch. I'm a degree holder and am a manager in an MNC and now lived in JB. I married a native sabahan. Why? maybe b'coz there was'nt a lot of Bidayuh guys in my uni to date, I guess. I would have love to date a bidayuh guy but unfortunately did'nt have the opportunity. Not sure about the stereotype but I believe that a person character is influenced by the people that surround them. If we are removed from a negative environment and place in a positive environment, chances are we will turn out to be positive too. So in my opinion, it is not the race, but it is the environment. As for me I married my hubby because I just loved him for who he is. Yeah...somebody said love is blind..the truth is love is not blind, it is actually the lovers itself. So for all the bidayuh out there, be it full breed or half breed, it is our responsibility to create a different environment and mind set for our children and generation.

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  28. Am chinese and married to a half Bidayuh and wished I read yr blog earlier!And like u mentioned, gave up my career oversea as well as other career opportunities to pick up and clean up after my husband. to get shouted at as his sister and brother in law conned him of his money which took him a year to notice whilst i noticed it the first time i met them.(maybe it does help to be a uni grad and to formerly work in an MNC)Am not sure if his simple mind is a good trait, but geez... i really regret this marriage. Think am beginning to chose being single and a good career over the shit am going thru. or maybe i should go seek a angmoh man, get pregnant and claim alimony yar?

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  29. Oh dear Rayne, that shouldn't happen to any married women, Bidayuh husband or not. There are many good intelligent Bidayuh man out there & I'm sorry you end up with somebody with someone that you're not on the same channel. Don't jump with the angmoh just bcos of that larr. Try marriage counselling if personal talks doesn't work. Remember the reason you married him in the first place & work on that. Tho I believe everybody have the right to be happy so in the end, if it just doesn't work out find your happiness somewhere else. Maybe you'll end up with a better Bidayuh guy. :-)

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  30. This is so cool, Im in love with your blog. I'm a bidayuh girl, working as an engineer. I'm proud of my heritage and background, I love to parade our traditional costume (bojuh borih) and this led me to my passion, joining kumang gawai and I'm 3 times winner (sorry, I'm not boasting but I'm proud of my achievement :). My work requires me to team up with guys and most of them are foreigner. You name it, French, Scottish, American i.e, yeap, I have a lot of choices and I did flirt with some of them. Yet, deep down, I want to preserve my bloodline as Bidayuh people. People always say mix blood kids are gorgeous, but I want to tell them, pure bidayuh kids are pretty as well. I dream of having my pure bidayuh family and teach my kids to speak their mother tongue, eat and cook our traditional food, celebrate gawai i.e. But I dated 3 bidayuh guys before and I never regretted the relationships ended. The only thing I regretted is that I spent my times on them, trying to understand their weird behaviour (egoistic, womaniser, alcoholic i.e) . The last relationship, I ended up being cheated and he even spread bad rumours about me. Enough is enough, I turned my back from bidayuh guys ever. Now I'm happily dating a sabahan guy, he's gentle and very understanding. We have our own issues but I love him to bits as he treats me well. And I even have a very interesting story that totally turn me off (sorry, Im dragging here but I'm just telling a real story). A cousin of mine was to be engaged with a gal and his younger bro, against the intention. No one really knew why but the elder bro just went on and got engaged. Little did everyone know, the younger bro had slept with the future sis-in law before and branded her as a slut. How did I know this? My bro told me as guys love to brag about this. And my bro, an alcoholic by disgust, I don't know whether he drinks because he's just another typical bidayuh guy or he has his own reasons. I don't hate bidayuh guys, as I love my own flesh and blood (dad, grandpa, brothers). But 3 times dated bidayuh guys, left me nothing but stop hoping.
    P/S:Keep writing because I love your blog and I able to connect easily with all ur post, loving them to bits :)

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  31. Anonymous30 May, 2011

    ... and I thought only monkeys can climb coconut trees. Fools seldom differ...

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  32. hi my fellow bidayuhs,

    watever negative habits practised, pls do not blame on the race. It's all about characters. Some Bidayuhs drink, smoke, and some other dont do all those kind of stuffs

    Relationship can be complicated. BUT REMEMBER this!!!! whoever you to choose to marry, I hope that you will always stick your faith because it will be the only thing that will give you peace and face greater challenges in life. Marriage is important but faith is forever

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  33. Ni har dayung..bidayuh guys not that bad mmmm... humans behavior all the same no matter what race. you know, me know. No body is perfects.

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  34. I would agree with the points but up to certain extend because I've met some really nice Bidayuh guys. But I would have to totally agree on Bidayuh guys who wish their wives could cook for them every single day. I'm living in Australia, a geologist who flies to the mines every 2 weeks so I can't be cooking at home everyday. There is an urgent need of understanding when it comes to this issue from Bidayuh guys. They need to realise that Bidayuh ladies need to have a career of their own. Something that we Bidayuhs could be proud of too at the end of the day, otherwise we mothers won't be able to educate our younger bidayuh kids. Sadly, this is something I can't find in Bidayuh guys. However, I'm sure there are some really good understanding Bidayuh guys out there. It's just that I never have the chance to meet one but I'm happily engaged to be married to a Zimbabwean guy.

    All the best in finding your Bidayuh soul mate! :)

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  35. Hi again. I forgot to mentioned in my previous post that I am a pure Bidayuh lady but is now living in Perth, Aus. I was born and grew up in Miri, Sarawak but would visit my parents' kampung in Serian and Kuching every year. I have Bidayuh blood of the Serian, Penrissen and Pedawan area but I can speak the Serian bidayuh better. I just think it's important to acknowledge that otherwise those reading my previous comment might think that I jumped into conclusions without knowing anything about 'inya Bidayeh'.

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  36. I have noticed that it is very hard to find a Bidayuh guy.Even if I do they are not single anymore.

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    2. True story, because the sophisticated Bidayuh men would take genetics variation into count and would rather marry and have babies with female of other race(s) instead - like me.
      Pardon the potentially arrogant undertone. :)

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  37. i love this post! I'm a Bidayuh and i can tell you most of the things are true.

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